I frequently find myself pondering whether love is an illusion illistrated by my mind, because every time this inevitable force drags me, I find myself infused with bruises. I wonder whether true love is profoundly possible, if two souls can really merge into one. Maybe I don’t want to face this magnet, and maybe I’m just making up excuses, hiding from love so that I’m not it’s next target. But I’m afraid that to me it’s just another illusion.
As my feet touch what now is a lake of mirrors, I feel the warmth of the sun invading my skin, filling the gap I felt in my chest. As the birds gracefully trickle and dance with the sea, the sun deposits a trace of sparkling dew drops which compose a passage leading to him. As the clouds burst into a billion different colors, I let go and follow the rythm of the waves. This is the time in which everything turns gold and everyone beams, the time in which the sun kisses the sea wishing her goodnight.
Our minds need to release junk. The problem is that we rarely say what we feel. We lock ourselves up and build walls around us, which don’t allow words or feelings to penetrate or depart. We dodge problems instead of confronting them. When the truth is, they are what shape us into what we are. We need to have the courage to express ourselves, and do what we feel like doing. We need to talk to others about how we feel. We shouldn’t keep secrets because they are the creators of lies. We need to give us the pleasure of being able to release a smile and permit our hearts to speak. Not necessarily with words, but it needs to be able to unleash the pain, grief and worries.
Got anything to say?
I runaway with my imagination, swirl into a phase of nonsense which seems to be the only sensible thing. I switch off every non-fiction character in my life. I feel as if I were floating in the sky, dancing with the wind, my throat burning in energy as I sing the anthem of freedom. As if I were carried by a dozen butterflies, and the feeling of their wings against my skin trickled warmth. As if the clouds whispered me happiness… I don’t want to analyze everything… have problems, or regrets. But I am tied to this misfortune, it’s my destiny…
and it’s that instant when the spark of magic is gone, when I remember my duties and get interrupted by reality.
☽ ◌ ☾
I’ve done everything possible; sewed my lips together, locked the cage my ribs have grown into, and hidden my soul in the deepest and darkest cracks of my heart. There’s simply one thing I can’t acquire…nothing keeps the beast inside me stable. If your eyes’ capacity can only reach my surface, you might be tricked and obtain a wrong picture of whom I am – painless and dipped in pure positiveness. But on the inside I’m in a constant battle in which I’m my own enemy. My heart has cut the stitches between my lips, and the sensitive critters inside me have possessed my words, bursting into the air and finding their way to your ears. My heart has slowly fallen apart, just as it reached your hands. My madness has returned from it’s disappearance and it’s my turn to return to you what you have stolen, because it has outgrown the nest it had between my lungs, and I don’t crave the desire to feel anymore.
You deserve it, every single rotten piece of my heart.
The wind captured you,
stole you from my arms.
It chained you to its heart,
and secretly induced you.
You had no freedom of choice,
but didn’t hesitate.
You kept on walking
in that never ending tunnel,
hoping to reach the light.
But it wasn’t cloudless.
In the end you were trapped, Continue reading
Aveces nos encontramos muy ocupados y el reloj sigue dando vueltas mientras que seguimos en la misma página, sin lograr acercarnos a la meta. Nos quedamos congelados en el tiempo, atados a algo que nos impide abrir los ojos. Nos encontramos en un laberinto infinito, caminando en contra y sin lograr avanzar. Esto pasa al olvidarnos cual es la entrada a la verdad. No queremos encontrarnos cara a cara con el amor, porque el amor es incontrolable. Vivimos con la intriga y nunca sabemos si atacará o nos sorprenderá con una gota de felicidad. Es impredecible y por eso atterorizante. No hay forma de perderle miedo si no lo enfrentamos. Nos mantenemos ocupados, envueltos en distracciones, cubiertos y escondidos del secreto de la felicidad. No nos damos cuenta que la felicidad está a nuestro alcanze y depende de nosotros si tenemos el coraje de conquistarla o no. No somos capaces de ver que la respuesta está alfrente nuestro. ¿Somos ciegos de corazón?
“The truth is that this is what sometimes happens to me…” he said, his eyes becoming a layer of river, and his voice determined, as if he were reading a non-fiction book, “an explosion occurs when the heart takes over the mind, bluring everything that is important and focusing in that only worry. It blocks everyone from life and is a threat to being capable of taking the correct decisions. It makes everything unclear, meaning that the only thing logical left to think about is that one worry. That worry that drives you to the verge of sanity. The monsters from the heart are released from their cages and become the rulers of the soul. They fill the head up with information that gets locked into the system, unable to be changed or ignored…” the memory of the guilty words which hatched my worry came swirling back, as if to wear me down and drip tears from my eyes. I understood him, I felt that way too.
“You became a prisioner of your own chains, and your thoughts were forced to create answers to a problem in which the justifications were meant to spill out from someone elses´ lips. You got stung by your own poison…killed by your own gun… you got tricked by your mind into believing its lie because it was the only path to take… can everything unknown be known? ” That was all I said in return. Maybe I was giving him a lesson… but I believe the lesson I was giving him was actually directed towards me.
Even the softest rose has a thorn. A thorn that can prick you and harm you. But we usually never notice it, because we are drooled in the beauty of the silky velvet petals. It is similar with people. Some people shine so bright and spread so much happiness, that it is unbearable to think that they hide something, or are deeply hurt somehow. Their positive ways seem to take over their grief. What we have to have in mind is that everyone surrounding us is going through exactly what we are going through, just that in a different way and each one interprets it differently. So smile to everyone with kindness and have your arms and heart open to everyone, because every rose has its thorn.
If you haven’t, listen to alfred hall’s wilderness album (my favorite songs from it are safe & sound and shine so bright :)